The Balancing Act

Sammy Oakey, President, Oakey's Funeral Service & Crematory

Traditional funerals vs. contemporary services. That seems to be the two sides drawn up by society that we as funeral professionals find ourselves in the middle of. It’s not that we can’t serve both groups, because we can and do. It’s trying to distinguish who wants what when a family comes in to make arrangements after a loss.

First, a little background: Traditional funerals can be defined as end of life events containing a metal or wood casket with burial or entombment of the casket after religous rites. These funerals would be more likely to contain piano or organ music, plenty of flowers, a visitation with the casket present, and the body garbed in a suit (men) or a dress/gown (ladies). Most everyone has been to a traditional funeral at one time or another.

Contemporary services comprise all else: memorial services without the body being present, “green” funerals, parties or gatherings that take the place of any service, private family scatterings of cremains, etc. As I mentioned before, most funeral homes offer great service, whether the family wants a funeral like their ancestors had in the 1950’s or a 2009 Power Point presentation with the long version of “Freebird” cranked up at high volume. It’s just trying to market yourself to both groups and convince everyone that you would have no problem in carrying out their final wishes.

It’s never obvious what a consumer wants just by looking at him or her. It’s only thru conversations with the family that we can begin to grasp what kind of ceremony (if any) they are envisioning. Even then, there are bound to be some awkward moments.

Oakey’s offers complimentary white bird releases at each cemetery service we are involved with. I’ll never forget the pained look I got from a recently widowed lady when I asked her if she wanted a dove released after the graveside  The grimace I received pretty much said it all! So whether you want a memorial service in Wasena Park with five bagpipers and a balloon for each attendee to let go at the end OR “How Great Thou Art” eminating from the organ at our downtown chapel, there’s no right or wrong way of honoring a life that was lived.

The phrase, “It’s not done that way,” should never be in the vocabulary of a caring funeral director.

~ by oakeys on April 7, 2009.